Perfectly encapsulates why I feel so hopeless and asexual towards dating apps - a beautiful stranger online is nothing compared to a regular person you meet in a beautiful situation!!
Yes. Exactly why in NYC rom-com the big apple is said to be a third character. I said this to the man I was dating during covid, I said this beach town is a third character. He said “huge character.” We agreed we never would have connected if we had met in the city.
I would also venture my idea about what this “context” precisely allows. The context is a place where you are briefly allowed to believe that magic is important. Not silly or fun or indulgent, but real and fundamental.
lt is very powerful when two people happen to believe in magic at the same time and place. Now Paris is not only a fantasy, it is real, grounded by the weight of confirmation. The shattering of that mirror is very painful. It is not simply the end of a relationship but a feeling that the child in you was never real.
I too have always been "willing to walk around a city all night just to talk and fall in love." Before Sunrise happened to me on a train from San Francisco to Colorado. I adored your piece, so well articulated. Movie magic does happen in real life - but real life magic is better.
I love love this reframe. “You’re actually just a different person to them than you are to yourself. Without the correct context, they can’t see you clearly” it’s such a good shift on the perspective of unrequited love and taking it too personally!
ugh this. i was off the apps because i was having meetcutes all over the city but after three meetcutes that ended with bad tastes in my mouth i turned to the apps god and so far it has been entertaining to say the least.
I loved those movies the before sunset ones until the last one. Which was just so depressing and worst case scenario-esque. I hated it and thought it was a tragic contribution of how a love
SAVE YOURSELF and invent a new ending in your imagination. They basically destroy their marriage by showing how horrific their unchecked relationship issues have gone in destroying something beautiful and then they are horribly abusive to each other and then they stay together anyway and the moral is that she is awful and he still loves her even though he too is awful and she should be grateful. Throw up 🤢
I'm 3 years single and when I was reading this, I couldn't shake off the feeling that you're so much more in touch with your history and relationship with love than I am, which is crazy and a bit upsetting to me because I love to love too! Now I have a lot to think about, and I'm off to go and think about it. Thank you so much for writing this.
So of these love stories on film happen with the young. As we get older and more stable, we also know what we don't want and what we won't put up with. It is much easier for a couple in their early 20s to grew up and learn how to live as adults than a 35 plus year old. People are established by then, maybe not financially but we can pretty much tell your personality the brain is fully developed. I met my husband in a piazza in Florence. I was 24. That would never happen to me now in my 40s. Some strange dude talking me up? It's gonna be a fuck off.
If I were to date again, I need to be friends with the person first, and also they'd need to already know at least one person I know.
This resonates with me so much, especially the part about it not just being about chemistry but both people need to want the same level of intimacy for things to work out..like that part really hit home for me🥺
I love that other people feel the way I do. I was definitely born to be a lover girl. I have nanifested tons of romantic moments. I just haven't met that forever partner. Yet.
Perfectly encapsulates why I feel so hopeless and asexual towards dating apps - a beautiful stranger online is nothing compared to a regular person you meet in a beautiful situation!!
Exactly!!!!!
"Put curiosity before caution"!! I love that so much!
Yes. Exactly why in NYC rom-com the big apple is said to be a third character. I said this to the man I was dating during covid, I said this beach town is a third character. He said “huge character.” We agreed we never would have connected if we had met in the city.
I would also venture my idea about what this “context” precisely allows. The context is a place where you are briefly allowed to believe that magic is important. Not silly or fun or indulgent, but real and fundamental.
lt is very powerful when two people happen to believe in magic at the same time and place. Now Paris is not only a fantasy, it is real, grounded by the weight of confirmation. The shattering of that mirror is very painful. It is not simply the end of a relationship but a feeling that the child in you was never real.
I love that observation about the power of two people believing in magic at the same time. Such a special rarity!
I too have always been "willing to walk around a city all night just to talk and fall in love." Before Sunrise happened to me on a train from San Francisco to Colorado. I adored your piece, so well articulated. Movie magic does happen in real life - but real life magic is better.
I love love this reframe. “You’re actually just a different person to them than you are to yourself. Without the correct context, they can’t see you clearly” it’s such a good shift on the perspective of unrequited love and taking it too personally!
It's helped me so much – glad it's helped you too!
This was really beautiful !!! Lowkey reminded me of that one lyric "dont fall in love with the moment and think you're in love with the girl"
LOVE!
Ohhhhh I glad you’ve reminded me of this lyric. It reflects beautifully on this essay but with a quiet devastation
Girl AT LEAST one more. Loved this 💕 never lose the romance
ugh this. i was off the apps because i was having meetcutes all over the city but after three meetcutes that ended with bad tastes in my mouth i turned to the apps god and so far it has been entertaining to say the least.
still waiting for my prince out there though.
I loved those movies the before sunset ones until the last one. Which was just so depressing and worst case scenario-esque. I hated it and thought it was a tragic contribution of how a love
Story could turn out
I have never been able to watch the last one!!! I don't even know what happens, but I've heard similar things from a lot of people...
SAVE YOURSELF and invent a new ending in your imagination. They basically destroy their marriage by showing how horrific their unchecked relationship issues have gone in destroying something beautiful and then they are horribly abusive to each other and then they stay together anyway and the moral is that she is awful and he still loves her even though he too is awful and she should be grateful. Throw up 🤢
I'm 3 years single and when I was reading this, I couldn't shake off the feeling that you're so much more in touch with your history and relationship with love than I am, which is crazy and a bit upsetting to me because I love to love too! Now I have a lot to think about, and I'm off to go and think about it. Thank you so much for writing this.
Well, I've been single for six years, so I've had double the time to think about all of this! But thank you!
So of these love stories on film happen with the young. As we get older and more stable, we also know what we don't want and what we won't put up with. It is much easier for a couple in their early 20s to grew up and learn how to live as adults than a 35 plus year old. People are established by then, maybe not financially but we can pretty much tell your personality the brain is fully developed. I met my husband in a piazza in Florence. I was 24. That would never happen to me now in my 40s. Some strange dude talking me up? It's gonna be a fuck off.
If I were to date again, I need to be friends with the person first, and also they'd need to already know at least one person I know.
This resonates with me so much, especially the part about it not just being about chemistry but both people need to want the same level of intimacy for things to work out..like that part really hit home for me🥺
I love this reframe! There's so much more to where a relationship goes, and if it even happens, than just "the spark".
Ahh I love this so much!!
I love that other people feel the way I do. I was definitely born to be a lover girl. I have nanifested tons of romantic moments. I just haven't met that forever partner. Yet.
so beautifully put!