Mental health menus (free things that help, from someone struggling)
Pick your inedible entrée, main or dessert
Caveat: This essay is not about food. That could (will?) be a whole different post.
Have you ever sobbed in an airport? On the tube? Whilst sitting at a bus stop? Last week, I cried so hard in an Uber that when the driver let me out, he looked genuinely concerned. He turned to face me, said, “Good luck and God bless,” and shook my hand with both of his. He’d just had to listen to my semi-hysterical phone call to my sister-in-law, where I was summarising the various blows life had dealt me recently. It was 9.05am. I immediately purchased a bag of crispy M&Ms and ate them while I wept.
When you’re in the throes of a crisis — a mental health relapse, a breakup, a loss — it can be difficult to find ways to feel better. I’m not talking about the more serious choices we can make to get help, like therapy or medicine or making a difficult but necessary change in your life (all of which I’m an advocate for). I’m referring to the everyday ways we can treat ourselves with compassion and find a little perspective. In that moment, M&Ms were the best I could do. But the sweetness of sugar doesn’t last long.
As an emotional person who has struggled with mental illness, I know all the things you’re supposed to do to help yourself. Talk, exercise, distract. I don’t know who gave me this advice, but I return to it often: when you’re feeling bad, treat yourself like you would a small child. Spaghetti with parmesan cheese and butter, plenty of rest, nothing too intense on TV. This approach is about softening, allowing, and not causing yourself additional hurt.
Unfortunately, the things that will actually improve your situation are the ones that you feel least like doing. The wholesome activities that disappear from your mind as soon as things get dark — going to a yoga class, cleaning your house, reaching out to a friend who will reply and check back in.
There are times when things seem so bleak, that even getting out of bed feels like an unreasonable ask.
If you’re going through something unexpectedly awful, or feel yourself slipping, or just don’t know what to do — here are some mental health menus. These are the activities that help me, broken up into entrées (something to start with, that won’t take too much time or effort), mains (bigger tasks that have a bigger payoff) and desserts (small, sweet somethings that can be done even when you’re feeling very very bad). They are also all free.
When you’re not feeling your best, your appetite — for food, for effort, for activity — fluctuates. So don’t be hard on yourself if you can only stomach dessert, whether it’s a task from my menu, or a tiramisu from the local deli.
In fact, I would encourage you not to treat this like a regular menu. Depending on what you’re going through, your appetite for life is likely askew. A three-course meal of tasks is probably too much. So just pick one thing, and do it well. And don’t be surprised if, on some sad days, even a little bite of dessert sends you careening back to the cocoon of your duvet.
These activities are things I turn to often. In part, I wrote this to remind myself of all the ways I am capable of taking care of myself. But I hope you can apply the idea to your own life. How big is your appetite for action? What are you craving? And how would you like to feel, if you could?
If these suggestions seem obvious or silly, then I hope you feel grateful that you’ve never needed a list like this.
And if you find you have no taste at all, no ability to summon up your appetite for activity or anything else, I want to say I have been there. Both recently and in the years gone by. Please do seek help (you can find some resources at the end of this piece).
You do not need to suffer in solitary silence, and I promise that things can change.
With love and without sense,
Gabriela x
P.S. Let me know in the comments if you’d like more menus — I have plenty.
The RINSE
for a clean slate
ENTRÉE
Set the scene for a simple shower. You don’t have to do much — turn off the big light and opt for a candle instead, play some music that feels a bit different. I like film soundtracks or meditation vibes. It will turn a chore into something to cherish.
MAIN
If you’re able and it’s safe to do so, get yourself into a large body of water, preferably salted. It’s a big ask, but I promise it has a big reward. A swim in the sea clears my mind like nothing else. Get on a train or in a car if you have to. A river or lake works too. In London, Hampstead Heath ponds are my preferred method of natural dunking.
DESSERT
Splash your face. Moisturise. Brush your teeth. Put on a clean t-shirt and clean undies. You will shower again, but for now, this will do.
The WIDE WORLD
for outward thinking
ENTRÉE
Take an aimless amble. I’m not going to tell you to leave your phone at home (I love walking with music) but pop it on flight mode. Don’t aim to get anywhere, but follow your whims and simply wander. Get playful. Observe. Stay open.
MAIN
Get into nature properly. Mountains. Bushland. Beach. Touch grass and sand and spend time with yourself. Take your journal or a book and definitely a snack. Get lost wherever you can — even in your local park. Look at the sky and the trees. Remember that you’re part of all of that.
DESSERT
Watch Lord of the Rings. Don’t pay much attention to anything other than the scenery. (The exception: any scene with Aragorn).
THE STARS
for spiritual perspective
ENTRÉE
Watch a Tarot video on YouTube. Best case scenario, it clears the clouds and gives you some ideas. And even if you’re heavily sceptical and disagree — doesn’t that give you some new information about yourself?
MAIN
Do a mini retreat. Whatever that might look like for you. Take your time, light some incense or candles. I love to meditate, listen to an astrology podcast (Chani is my favourite) pull some Tarot cards, do a little stretch. Journal. Scribble. Just tune in to yourself and see what comes up.
DESSERT
Check an astrology app. My favourites are Chani and The Pattern. There’s something about consulting the stars that feels both ancient and brand new. You never know what insights you could uncover, even as a non-believer.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call emergency services: 000 in Australia, 999 in the UK, and 911 in the US.
And here are some places to seek help, if needed:
Australia
Beyond Blue: Provides support for anxiety, depression, and suicide prevention.
Website: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
Phone: 1300 22 4636
Lifeline Australia: Offers 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention services.
Website: https://www.lifeline.org.au/
Phone: 13 11 14
United Kingdom
Samaritans: Provides 24-hour support to people in distress.
Website: https://www.samaritans.org/
Phone: 116 123
Mind: Offers advice and support for people experiencing mental health problems.
Website: https://www.mind.org.uk/
Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm)
United States
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Provides 24/7, free, and confidential support for people in distress.
Website: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Phone: 988
MentalHealth.gov: Offers one-stop access to U.S. government mental health and mental health information.
Website: https://www.mentalhealth.gov/
This so so vulnerable and it makes me feel so seen the depths of one the hardest months I am going through. Thank you! <3
I am sending you all the love, as you friend said, its all you deserve and need.
This is so kind and lovingly written! “Watch Lord of the Rings and pay attention only to the scenery” has completely revolutionised that movie for me 👏 I will absolutely be saving and doing.